Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My Internal Clock is Ringing

I grew up in a military family; did the standard move every two to three years. Growing up I didn't ever realize or care where we moved, we just did. I got to experience so much, more than anyone I know-- living in the Amazon, swimming across the highest lake in the world, deserts, mountains, oceans, you name it, I've been there. It was only when I moved from Bolivia to Chile for 10th grade that I was sad and even more depressed when I left Chile for Virginia in my senior year of high school. As much as it broke my heart knowing that I was suddenly not going to be able to graduate with my friends I was glad I got to move back to the States; it was (like every other time) a good experience.

But I remember thinking to myself "I'll never want to move again". I was jealous of all the people who grew up in the same state with the same people. I just wanted to settle and grow in one place.

But now I've been here in Virginia for about two years...and something just feels so...itchy. I feel like something needs to change. Granted, I live in Fredericksburg, not a mecca of fun and excitement, but still and enjoyable place to live. The summer has me wanting something. The ringing is so loud.

Perhaps I need to move. Fredericksburg is like maple syrup, sweet and slow. I want to live faster. I've never had a city life. I want to make art and see art. I want to go to galleries and shows and listen to jazz and orchestras. I want to go restauranting. I want more reasons to wear my best clothes. I want to see and be seen. And I don't think I could cure this with a trip to D.C. or Richmond, maybe I'm wrong; perhaps it would help satisfy least for a short while.

There are also the people. I love the people here, but too many are the kind that would travel to India only to have McDonalds. I want to be with people who aren't satisfyied with a mediocre life; Let's have fun at a party one night and go build houses the next day, maybe we could go see some paintings and then fool around behind that statue; anything! Most of all, I'd like to be with people who are willing to do these things without reservations, I don't want to have to beg and plead. Instead I find myself being told that the things I want are out of my reach or that "they just don't do that" (in a very condesending way).

Well I can only hit Snooze for so long before I have to get up and go. I'm going to make things change, I'm going to do it for me.

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